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Our opening reading is by Barry Ballard from
his book “Green Tombs to Jupiter”
(by permission of author)
“I’m sifting through my own memory
the way you’d sort through a closet of old
keep-sakes.
You wonder sometimes how you’ll ever shake
loose from their attachment.
But edges fray over time and you find out they
don’t say that much about you anymore.
You break free from yourself, determined to remake
the image before the chance slips away.”
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Sermon Portion:
Chances do slip away – and “letting
go” comes when we least expect it. We need
to practice the small losses in life in order
to deal, anyway near appropriately, with the big
ones. Practicing letting go can be as simple as
paying attention to why something doesn’t
fit your life-style, or your self-image, anymore.
Sometime changes, even those you choose for yourself,
deserve the thoughtfulness of your attention to
work through the five stages of grief: denial
-- anger -- bargaining -- and depression -- which
can come in any order before you finally find
-- acceptance.
I deliberately bought a calendar called “Living
the Simple Life,” the year I retired. The
page for January 15th declared “Simplifying
is not necessarily about getting rid of everything
you’ve worked hard for. …It’s about
deciding what’s important to you, and gracefully
letting go of the things that aren’t.”
Sounds simple! Retire from your job, cut extraneous
expenses, concentrate on enjoyment. And, of course,
have a garage sale when you need extra cash! No
one ever warns you how preparing for it messes
with your mind!
Sifting through memories can slow you down as
you work your way through the corners and closets
of your house. I certainly had plenty to sort
through! Memories of my former marriage kept surfacing.
Without planning to, I found myself considering
the twists and turns of life and how those choices
were affecting me today.
As you prepare donations for the October Garage
Sale, allow yourself the extra time to consider
your own past regrets, anger and other unfinished
business as you come across reminders of your
past. In fact, if there are a lot of these emotional
relics lying around – the work of letting
go is probably more important than what you pack
up to bring. You could even consider it part of
your on-going spiritual journey.
So, I’m in the midst of preparing for the
First Annual Retirement Garage Sale – in
preparation for donating the good leftovers –
when I get a call that my 64 year old ex-husband,
father of my mid-30’s boys, is near death.
He had had a stroke 4 years ago which effected
his ability to speak, and then developed lung
cancer.
My youngest son had been close to his father
but found it difficult to visit because his father
couldn’t talk to him. My oldest son, who
was estranged from his father, had dealt with
his illness by avoidance. In much the same way,
so had I – since I had given up what used
to be our friendly visits after gestures and swear
words -- the only words left after the stroke
-- made it quite plain I was being thrown out.
When the call came, my youngest son had immediately
gone to see his Dad. But they needed the rest
of us. We needed to come together as a family
before any of us could let go. My older son agreed
to temporarily let go of the distance he felt
and set aside the wall he had built. We went back
as a family.
My husband came out of his non-responsive state.
His fever dropped. He knew we all were there --
and we knew he knew. It seemed to be what he needed
– there was no anger and resistance this
time! We were able to say, touch, and feel the
love that connected us all, despite the letting
go’s of divorce and the years of silence.
He died early the next afternoon – as if
it was a closure for him as well as for us. We
all hope this was true.
So what does this have to do with the story of
your lives?
The practice of letting go of small attachments
- and even previous loves – today…..
helps you survive tomorrow. “Grief work”
sounds so onerous that it is avoided. But it is
often crucial to the process of letting go in
order to move on.
My marriage was falling apart when I first came
to this community 15 years ago. Every service,
Rev. Bumbaugh said something that made me cry,
until I was finally able to identify, and name,
the BIG grief I was feeling – the death of
the dream of being married “forever”.
However, nothing is forever – and the investment
of time in what is important NOW often means letting
go of plans, work and priorities that seemed important
a minute ago. Remember – we cannot control
the outcome of other people’s actions. We
can learn how to accept our powerlessness and
still survive.
When love calls you to come together, will you
be ready?
When life insists it is time to let go, will
you be able to find your way with some measure
of grace?
Will you have practiced enough letting go to
find in the process peace of mind?
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